SimplyMom: Body Wise

In which I rip off my horn-rimmed glasses and reveal myself as the Super Hero I am....yeah, right!

I heard some women on a day time gab type show the other day talking about how they sabotage their own diets. Some complained about making it too strict, so they were bound to break it. Others said they put themselves in the way of temptation (like stopping by a bakery for their morning cup of coffee, instead of just making a cup of instant at home. Seriously, what red-blooded woman could settle for decaf and saccharine when eye-to-eye with a freshly baked cheese danish?).

But, honestly, I don't think I sabotage my own diet. Instead, I blame the whole thing on some freaky genetic flaw in my makeup. Remember how, when Bruce Banner got angry, he would turn into the Incredible Hulk? Well, when my kids don't clean their plates, I turn into the Insatiable Bulk. I'm a leftover monster. I cannot force myself to scrape perfectly good, half eaten peanut butter sandwiches down the garbage disposal. I cannot bear to see a meal I slaved over grow cold as my child asks to be excused. And if there's oatmeal on Libby's face? Why, I use my index finger to wipe off the goo - and deposit it right into my mouth.

I do this unconsciously, or I did until now, when I'm trying to become more aware of what I'm eating. And last night, I caught myself. It was just me and Little Girl for dinner. My husband had to work and the boys were out. She had a plate of fish sticks and I was eating cold shrimp with butter (low carbs, see?), which was so much more appealing than fish sticks I didn't even want to eat her food. But when I was cleaning the table, the Insatiable Bulk began to immerge. “You’re going down!” the Bulk roared as I reached for the remnants of breaded fish on Little Girl's plate. (And by down? She meant breaded fish going down to the stomach. The needle on the scale? That would be up.)

Then I stopped myself. “Do I really, truly want this fish stick?” I asked myself, as the Bulk grunted, “Waste not! Want not!”

Now, consider this – on my low-carb regime, I am allowed to have seafood). I can have lobster with real butter, crab dip (on celery, of course) and even my absolute favorite scallop-and-seafood pie (with a low-carb bread crumb crust). Let’s face it – in comparison, Mrs. Paul is downright frumpy. Why would it be tempting me?

Well, it’s against my nature to throw away anything. But I forced myself. I put the plate in the sink, turned on the water (if you thought they were bad to begin with, try fish sticks that are soggy) and then I switched the garbage disposal on.

“Hey, what are you doing?” the monster bellowed as she shrank down to controllable proportions. I banished her and turned out the kitchen light before she did any more damage.

Now, the obvious solution to my leftover problem is to make sure the kids stayed at the table until they cleaned their plates. But that might mean they’d be sitting in front of a plate of fishsticks until September.
Sometimes, it's easier to wrestle with the Bulk.

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